The Memorable One...

Congrats to David and May, who had just tied the knot on 29th September 2007.

After 15 long years of friendship, the apparenticeship of every man's journey was finally coming through, a step towards manhood which most of us were just too eager to take during adolescence, now, left with only reality and dreams that separates them both. Either way, a new journey unfolds and I wish you all the best!

*****

I used to love returning home after business trips because this is home after all. Dont get me wrong, its not that I dont anymore but it takes time for me to settle back in. Why is this happening, I dont know. I tried asking myself the same question. Too much traveling doesnt help, does it?

*****

Flashback brings me back to them days. It has been almost 26 months since I first joined this company and my days in Malaysia are almost numbered and countable. It's fun having to country hop but too much of it tires you. This is how I am feeling now.

****

I will be leaving soon back to the Philippines. I am not complaining. chao.

*Sighs*....

I am beginning to falter at the thought of not delivering as a Project Manager.

I am here wondering.

1. Is it the system’s fault?
2. Is it the culture developed here in Philippines which say problems left overnight will find its
own solution?
3. OR Is it a fault of my own?

I am finding it very difficult to breach the psychological barrier of getting one site to move, never mind 50 sites committed this month. Last minute showstoppers are a pain in the ass and it’s really demoralizing. Owner cutting off the power, landowners brandishing their guns at my guys, transformer busted, blackouts, genset ran out of fuel, etc…. wTf??? all these were not planned… but I cant just sit here and point my finger at these situations… they may be unforeseen circumstances but does that mean also I did not plan ahead of time, assessing the risks there may be?

To go for at least 70 sites a month is not a problem. It’s just a matter of installing the equipments and put it on air. How difficult is that? I am stopped short of producing an answer to this.

*****

It has been yet another tiring weekend. But I cant wait till end of the month.

Tiring Week...

Yesterday was great. My driver, a former Corporal with the army had arranged something special for us. He co-acts as my bodyguard too… which is great. Hence, after weeks of hard work, he told me to free up my Sunday and he’ll take me somewhere. He told me I shouldn’t work like that and that I need a break. I agreed despite initial hesitation. It was kinda hard leaving my job behind. OK was my answer nevertheless.

As usual, I went down to the lobby and found that he was already prepared for me,…. in full army gear that is. I was surprised. I asked him where is he taking us?... and he said, don’t worry Sir… I have got all of you covered. Ang, David and myself got into the car, and we went of to an undisclosed location. It was kinda secretive as there were a lot of barriers we needed to go through before getting to the place with security passes. Finally we were there and there was a bunch of army personnel waiting there… all armed. Errr…. Sir Arman… what is this? he smiled… and reassured me. As soon as we got down from the car, Arman introduced us to his colleagues… Sir this and that, this is my Manager, Sir Raymond. Everyone there was so accommodating… so much so… that the initial intimidating stance was all vanished. It felt surreal as we were treated to a VIP briefing of the location.

Still, I had very little idea where we were except that it was a guarded army post. Next up, we were introduced to guns and all. Now, here comes the interesting part. It was a shooting range after all and we were asked if we liked to try it ourselves. I jumped at the idea without hesitation. OMG… it was so real that I found it hard to believe. I looked to my driver and he gave me assurance by nodding his head with a smile. Other army personnels packed a few things and off we went through some rough patches of ground due to the heavy rain before. Upon reaching, one of the guys came to me and strapped a belt on my waist and started loading semi-autos on me. I had 2 rounds of ammo and a .45 calibre. It was exhilarating.

We were briefed on gun usage, the responsibilities that came with it, and what we are supposed to do next. Also, we were briefed on how to use it. It was all very professional. My first time handling a .45, or for that matter, a real gun with real ammo ….. it was real, I mean, we are talking about live bullets here. But it was all safe… no worries… eye goggles, mufflers and there was a bunch of officers there watching over us.

It looked easy… but wasn’t at all! My first few shots went off target. But with proper control, positioning and steadiness… I managed to even hit the bulls eye. As it got along, I was getting the hang of it, but my hands were getting tired because trust me… its not easy. In the end, after about 200 rounds… we thought it was enough for a first timer. It was great fun!

*****

My PDA is rendered useless now since the touch screen is not working. I hope I can get it repaired, if not, a new one has to come in already. It’s so difficult to work without my phone especially when it is a touch screen model. I really miss it. It has been 3 days now since I cannot use it and it feels as though my entire life is paralyzed. In this telecommunication industry, it is extremely difficult without any means of communication.

*****

I am tired. Being a PM isn’t easy. I’d rather be an engineer… and welcome myself to the good ol days of just troubleshooting. In the management ladder, there is a divide and that is what makes it so difficult for the engineers to understand us. However, we have to understand the engineers. The symbiosis is one way. Of course the engineers feel tired… but do I not feel tired? I asked one engineer one day…. He told me he needed a rest… he was exhausted. I said, yes… but finish up the job first. And then I had a frank and honest chat with him, I asked him, what do you think I do everyday. He resisted answering at first but after much coaxing, he did. He said, really, maybe what he sees is that I am sitting down in office, shaking my legs and just coordinating. I smiled at him. I asked him in return, let us do ourselves a favor, why don’t we change places? He smiled, and said no… I asked him why… he said, I don’t know what you do Sir… I told him, right, here’s how it is. You have to take care of 300 sites, both in the NCR and SLZ areas, you have to manage customers, listen to them, succumb to any form of verbal abuse, you have to plan the entire network plan, making sure there are no dependencies, get screwed, screw people, manage logistics… making sure delivery is right, you have to talk to the team leaders (8 in total), and also their downlines at times, which is you (20 in total), talk to the subcons, talk to higher management, go to warehouse and liaise with DHL, get screwed by management, monitor alarms, troubleshoot, planning, monitoring, answerable for every screw up subcons make, and the list goes on and on and on…..

His jaw dropped. He was stunned. And I told him politely,… now, your responsibility is to make sure that your weekly target of a mere 4-5 sites are met. You have a car, your accommodation is paid for, you don’t have to report to higher management, you just basically need to bring these sites on air. Do you still want to swap places with me?

….. silent moments were rendered….

I said… look… now that you understand, please bring up these sites. All of us are tired. Exhausted to be honest… I haven’t had a rest since I came here, it has been 24/7. If you don’t do your job, it looks bad on me and you. Support this project ok?

With his wishful and determined eyes… he said OK Sir…

I rest my case, knowing that realization of what a management seat is like to them now, they will try their utmost best. However, hope is all I can think of. No more than that. Do I want to be an engineer again?.... the question is always there, but reality is always dawning on me knowing that I am on the management ladder already and anything below that is unthinkable and most definitely remain elusive.

*****

Mondays… wished things were much simpler. I miss my college days.

Mua...

Here is a quiz I took about my own personality.

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you are very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.

You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

Philippines 6th Week

It’s been a touch n go week. There has been just too many issues cropping up here and there at work that frustrates you all the time. No comments.

*****

I finished work on Friday night at about 11pm when the secretaries were celebrating a birthday of another. They persuaded and so I went. I was in the car going there, as usual, trying to catch up on lost time by checking my PDA for messages which I might have left out when one secretary told me bluntly, Sir, I don’t think you will get a girlfriend. I paused for a moment, looked at her, and asked why. She said, can you just for one second put away your phone, relax and look at life a bit? Doesn’t you wife or gf back home complain about this? don’t you think there’s more life to work than just work? I wanted to snap back by telling them off that maybe some of their people are not working and that’s why, I have to trigger them all the time by sending notices and memos out… but I stopped short of doing that.

In fact, she had a point there and I was baffled. Ever since I came here, I have not indulged myself in any other social life apart from work. I put my phone aside, looked out, and pondered… is there life for me out there? She repeated one more time, Sir Raymond, spend more social time, all of us secretaries are beginning to tag you as a walking communicator. They even tagged me as Nemo.. don’t ask me why, and they are always telling me there is this new project they are working on apart from the one I am handling, the project title is ‘Finding Nemo’. I asked why… she said, when you are at work, you are so focused that we find it hard to even talk to you because it’s either you are in a meeting, on the phone or too scary to approach when you are preparing reports, sms-ing, etc. Hence, ‘Finding Nemo’ is an appropriate project considering the fact that even though I am physically there, I am not submerged in any other domain except work.

Again, I was dumbfounded. And so, I turned off my phone completely…. But it was short lived as I turned it back on after 5 minutes. Guess it takes a lot more than just a pep talk to tell me to stop and relax. By the way, they tried snatching my phone away from me… I was totally harassed by 5 secretaries in the car! Hahahahah….

*****

REST DAY tomorrow. Today I went to the site, I switched off my phone for the entire journey there (2 hours) and as soon as I switched it back on, I had 20 sms-es and 15 seconds thereafter, calls started trickling in calling for SOS. I am tired.

*****

It’s the long weekend ahead. Hope to recharge before fire fighting again next week.

Ciaoz…

Philippines 5th Week

You know, when we drive to work every morning, we get the occasional off-tune days when the music on the radio isn’t that good. In Malaysia, there’s just too much conversation and ads that sometimes, you cant help but just to pop your CD in at times. Here in the Philippines, I have never once complained and the radio stations have never let me down, be it day or night, during my ‘off’ and ‘on’ days. It just seems as though they can read my mood and it has so far worked to perfection… from the 80s to the 90s, its all good. Its so good that sometimes, it gets a bit nostalgic and flashbacks are aplenty.

*****

It’s Sunday today. The long weekend is here and yet, it’s a 24/7 routine at work. Tomorrow is not just a holiday in Makati, but its also 10 more days to the month end where another 30 more sites is needed to be rolled out, meaning, we can ultimately deduct one day due to the holidays, leaving me with only 9 complete days to bring up all the sites; an average of 3 sites per day. Wish me luck.

*****

Typhoon in Philippines has arrived. So far, over the last two weeks, 2 different typhoons hit the coastal and inland areas. There was flood everywhere. The only difference between Bolehland and here is that, the gusts here are much stronger and it really blows you off. You see, to us Malaysians, our country are free from all natural disasters, making it one of the safest countries to live in. We don’t experience volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, typhoons/hurricanes… (only flood), hence, we don’t know what does it feel or sound like being at the center of an earthquake, typhoon, or even a bomb blast. All my colleagues have experienced different scenarios; air raids/bombings (Sri Lanka), military coup (Thailand), bomb blast (myself in Pakistan), earthquakes and after shocks (Pakistan and Indonesia), typhoon (Philippines); riots (Indonesia and Pakistan), volcano eruption (Philippines)…. And here were we last night at my place, together with Ajitpal and David, we were sharing experiences and we got to know that we have actually experienced some of it and wondered to ourselves, wow… what for? But on the other hand, it was kinda amazing. It’s not as though you get that everyday, it would probably be a once in a lifetime thingy.

I have personally experienced bomb blast, after shocks, and now, typhoon. Hmmpph… think I am ready to go into journalism as I have always wished!

*****

It’s funny how courtesy and politeness are being taught in different countries. In Indonesia, ppl address you not by your name first but with Pak, in Pakistan, they end it with Bhai (as in brother) or Sb (pronounced as Sab - meaning, Sir), and in the Philippines, they address you as Sir/ Ma’am followed by your first name. Even when you walk into any establishment, say, a mini mart or 7-Eleven, they welcome you with politeness and a smile, and they actually yell it out to make you feel welcomed. In Malaysia, its either you take it or leave it. People don’t bother anymore. That’s why when I first got here, I was a bit ‘shy’ to recognize myself being designated a ‘Sir’ because as far as I am concerned, in the UK, those are knighthoods bestowed by the Queen. I myself find it hard to address people as Sir. In fact, I am learning now and sometimes I do forget.

*****

No news on Pakistan… and that my friend, is good news.

*****

Time to rest. My mind needs a break.

It's The Week-End

Time passes by so fast. To me, its as though the weekend did not exist. Weekends to me are a nomenclature of "Go Slow"... I slower my pace to catch up with life as much as I can, trying to see the perspectives of what goes by, listening to some great tunes on radio (which pre-empts as my jukebox or Ipod)... and smell the other side of fast paced life, a walk through Sunday market nearby... I was intending to catch a movie today, "Bourne Ultimatum"... however, my schedule was disrupted.

Dinner with the Country Manager was ok. Nothing much was said except it felt strange that they came on to my table and knocked a few glasses on me. They kept pushing me, not with the Pakistan issue but with the beers... I was kinda surprised because I dont know them well. Guess it's the UFONE effect after all... in retrospect, Aszman, if you are seeing this, I wish you well on your journey back to Pakistan. As much as I wished you were not going back there even for 5 days, you have to be careful.

This forthcoming week will be tensed, what with the AP VP coming over. I am feeling the strain now as I continue with my quest. 1225am now... time to bid adieu one more time... tra...

29th Day & It's Just the Beginning...

Unfortunately, as much as I want to load more pictures for everyone to see, the connection I am using is only 28.8kbps, a stone age technology only to match one hour of uploading of one 5Mb picture. Its brutal and agonizing. Its Sunday today... had a very good one hour Swedish massage... which is surprisingly cheap. It's only about MYR 20... and it soothes the aching muscles crying out for a break!

The AP VP will be coming to Philippines on Wednesday, and tonight, the Country Manager will be taking us out for a dinner... konon!... more to having a pep talk before the big guns come... and that, I will be more than prepared for whatever he will ask me, for the "Pakistan" news have been escalated to HQ and AP level. It will be an absorbing week as there will be further targeted rollouts. 15-20 altogether... it will be tough but if I can get another 10 under my belt at the end of next week, it will do just fine.

Till then... ciao...

28 Days Later...

What have I become 28 days later?... What have I become today?.... this is a question I have been asking myself every night after arriving in Philippines.

It has been topsy turvy… OR so to say… OR maybe not. You see… in AP, I can never imagine a better place to be because from all the countries I have been to, Philippines is by far the most recognizable place close to home. Indonesia comes next. I love the songs here. Have I mentioned that? The radio stations here play non-stop music minus the ads and yacking… it soothes the mood. The songs are good… anything from soft indie right up to sentimental ones. You want night life… you bet! You want shopping? You bet! You want anything at all, you have it all here. Work wise, no complains… that is if you are a workaholic like myself. But if you work hard, you play hard.

My mates have been complaining that I have gone MIA… YES… I have been. Don’t ask me why… it’s just the way it is here. Get to the office at 9am… the next thing I know, its already lunch time at 2pm, and before I know it, its already 9pm… and this is the only time I can really sit down and check my mails. Not long before, its already 10pm, and I haven’t even finished browsing through 5 mails… its dinner time. What life have I got during weekdays? My pathetic mailbox has 1137 Unread emails…. Most of them are to be deleted (cc). I hardly have time to really connect to anyone apart from work. My whole day is filled with meetings after meetings, planning sessions, chasing after subcons and pushing for compliance on schedule. Fun in Philippines? Yet… I still love it here.

*****

On another front… I have had a terrible week trying to deal with HQ. Pakistan wanted me to go back to their project, UFONE. Initially it was only one phone call. Then it started to spread to HQ when even the local directors were asking me to go back. My answer was a firm NO. Still they insisted and a few more phone calls were made. Fortunately, my Project Director here really wanted me to stay and fought with HQ over me. Still… they didn’t give up and a final phone call from both my directors in AP, urging me, requesting me, and begging me to go back to Pakistan, YES…. In the history of my company… they actually did that! and what tops it is that… the AP Director told me to do him a favor and asked me to state my requirements… whatever that is, it is granted. Amongst the suggestions… bring my family there, come back once a month…. Etc….

My answer was still ‘NO’. I told the Deputy Director… even if you gave me an increment of MYR10k now, my answer would still be NO! he was shocked, and told me, OK, understood.

With this, I have resigned to fate that, I am prepared to leave this company once and for all. My resignation letter is ready. It has been ready since I was in UFONE.

I have fulfilled my duties in Pakistan… why me? I have done what I needed to do there. I have formally submitted my handover responsibilities to my deputy. There are in total of 6PMs looking over my ATP there. So, what is the problem? Why me? Why is there an issue with me NOT going back? What are my responsibilities there when I go back there? What will I do back there? All these are unanswered questions from them. They couldn’t give me an answer, YET, they want me to go back there. Why?

See… my reasoning is simple. Give me one good reason why I should go back there and if it’s justifiable, I will. This is no communist OR Marxism style of project management we are talking about. I came back from Pakistan, and they told me to fire fight in Philippines, I fulfilled their wishes and flew here immediately with no questions asked. They said they have my back at all cost. Now they want me back there in Pakistan no matter at what cost. hUh???

*****

Back to reality… I cant say life is not treating me good. It is in fact, really nice. I stay in Makati, the financial district of Manila… say whatever you want, it’s a nice place to be in. It has that LA feel to it, its very Americanized. I have no complains. The chicks here are also really cool. The people here are polite… in fact, too polite. Beers are cheap here. What more can I ask for? But yet, at times, I feel lonely… I am the second youngest PM in Philippines and still single… best part is, no one believes I am still single! All my seniors all over AP wants me to be in their project. Some even professed that if they change projects, they will take me with them. I have all that I ever dream of…. the corporate world dealing with top management and managing my own group of engineers, my own driver, car, and a monthly entertainment budget that most people take home as their monthly salary. Yet, inspite of all these hype, there is still something missing.

*****

28 days later… I am still awaiting what lies ahead..... it's 322am, nite folks.

Philippines 3rd Week

You know… truly, Philippines is a nice place. Nice people, even the music every morning sounds better…. Or wait… was it because I had just got off the boat from Pakistan which makes the contrast even higher? Yet… Makati is a cool place with cool people.

Project wise, I can’t complain. Its tough but what is not? Isn’t it supposed to be? On Friday, I had a terrible day to begin with and I ended the day screwing up 3 CAPs.

You know what… I don’t know what am I blabbering about… every morning, my thoughts are flooded with things to write. Now, it’s everything but…..

Philippines 2nd Week

A hiatus for 2 weeks wasnt expected...! Not at all!... But I have been tremendously busy with learning up on the project and at the same time, delivering what is required and needed of me when they hauled my ass to Philippines!... not that I am complaining because they helped rescue me from Pakistan! :-) that's why, to most of us here is...., work hard, play hard!...

Its Saturday night now at 10.25pm... just came back from site, in office now, trying to sort out a few things... it's just a mad rush here! Ciao... Laterzzz....

Unknown Reality

Perplexity is a domain in my heart I dont really know how to handle.

Addressing your own heart takes courage, guts, and collateral..... no?

N'est-il pas étrange être connu mais, non défini?

Strange ain't it?

How then...

Isn't this the way of life that I must learn to negotiate?

Goodnight.

The Story So Far...

Right... looks like I have been rather lagging for the past few weeks... it's always the case when I return back to KL because I just couldnt find time to squeeze everything into a simple schedule. Therefore, my apologies in not blogging more often than usual.

Anyway, referring to a new love in my life on my previous post, this is it... my new Canon EOS 400D... my dream gadget!

It's just brilliant... I can never push my limits further than what I had to do to own this automobile equivalent of a 'Camry'. Its tough, sturdy, and the weight ratio compliments the stability this SLR has. The functions are top notch and I have been snapping pictures with breathtaking results. Compared to the Nikon model, this was an obvious selection for me even though the options on Nikon was much simpler than this Canon.

*****

Thursday night was my final night in KL until further notice. Again, I have to embark on a trip that takes me to... the East Side!!! hahaha... for once... I am so glad that I am not going back to the West Side.. Pakistan that is... I have had my fair share of South Asia from my experiences in India and Pakistan... I wasnt going to indulge in Sri Lanka (an option given to me immediately when I went back to office a week ago). There's nothing wrong with these countries... don't get me wrong... just not now and not ever.

Anyone who has worked OR has relations OR still there dealing with these people in these particular countries (Bangladesh, India, Sri Lanka, Pakistan) will know exactly what I mean. Its not easy.

Therefore, no thanks. Instead, I have been assigned to Philippines as mentioned before. People has mentioned to me, its heaven now compared to the hell I had before. I shall reserve my comments until I get there but I am thankful for the switch.

*****

Still on Thursday night, I had the most wildest night of my life. I couldnt believe it myself. I stunned myself. First, we crashed a party at Thai Bar unknowingly, it was free food and best part is, free flow of beer! It was their 4th Anniversary and we just couldnt believe our luck! Little did I know, it was the beginning of a very crazy night.

In the midst of that, I receive a call from Stephannie. Hey you.... thanks. I am surprised as well and sincerely, thanks for hooking me up if ever. It would be great! A change will do me good!

After knocking down almost a dozen glasses between 8 of us, Sandra, PC, Simon, Leona, Mojo, Martin, Asz and myself, we knew it wasnt just going to end there. Within 10 minutes, 3 more jugs and 2 buckets were ordered. Within 15 minutes, it was almost gone with Jerry and Wong joining. It was getting wild! Then a btl of Jacks arrived, this was when things started to hot up a bit and we decided to go up two notches to the second floor where R&B and HH was playing. Since it was Ladies night, 5 cocktails were presented before us (for the ladies of course), but it didnt matter! hehehe.... it went wild from then on. I couldnt believe I was actually shaking my ass to the tune... what more... from sources who was watching... doing that 'dance'! Of course it wasnt only me... the night went really wild with games played and my jaws dropped. All of us were really into it...

The best part was of course, we all went home safe and sound to wake up to the morning after, in time for work at 9am! Emails were practically flying around and some were fishing at 930am already. For me, I drove home to Ipoh at 830am... I am surprised I was able to wake up in time. As for this, it has to be 'Wake me up when September ends' as my three months stint in Philippines will take me up to September end. I am already planning for October. :-)

Also, we were photographed for the KL mag called 'Faces'... check it out for the July edition@Thai Bar. I know what Thai Bar's reputation has been but on the contrary, Thursday night was exceptional!

*****

On the other front, Ms B, she's wonderful yet amazing, and definitely sublime. That's all I can say but it comes with a price. I can't begin to tell how subtle my disillusionment can be at times. In this case, not even money, bling bling or words can buy out this contract. A song that fits perfectly... 'As Time Goes By'.

This is when I hate flying and want to settle down but I guess it does not make any difference to anything, does it? Its time...

*****

Climb ev'ry mountain

Search high and low

Follow ev'ry by-way

Every path you know

Climb ev'ry mountain

Ford ev'ry stream

Follow ev'ry rainbow

'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Everyday of your life

For as long as you live

*****

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall

And the bells in the steeple too

And up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say "cuckoo"

Cuckoo, cuckoo

Regretfully they tell us, but firmly they compel us

To say goodbye . . . . . . to you

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu

So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen

I'd like to stay and taste those sweet memories

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye

I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye -- Goodbye

I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie

I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly

The sun has gone to bed and so must I...

goodbye...

....

Philippines Bound

After a week of clouds-over-head, I am confirmed to Philippines. Its been hard for me to blog since I came back to KL due to the non-stop schedule I have had to endure... which was nice, way better than Pakistan, therefore, no complains! :-)

This week, I will be embarking on this journey there with which case, I have been told that I will be in for a culture shock. It will be entirely different from whatever I have had to go through in Pakistan. Back there, it was hell,.... there in Philippines, it will be opposite. We'll have to see about that.

Not much changes so far, everything is still in place, but on 'that', its everything but...

My probabilities have been cut short by 50%. How about that?? It's just the way it is although I am hoping for a better outcome.

Till then... chao...

Moments Before & After...

Well, there hasnt been any posts lately because many things have taken the turn around since the previous post.

Two of my dreams have been achieved. One was mentioned. The second one is, I am no longer going back to Pakistan... (but I'd prefer not to bank too much hope first because anything can happen in HW). Instead, here comes the moderate news.

I am going to Philippines.... good? yes... but bad... why? as early as Monday or Wednesday. I am trying to delay because honestly, although I am getting the hang of it, the flying and traveling around,..... its getting pretty tiring. I just want to stay in Ipoh and KL longer... there's just so many things to do with so little time spent at home... and this is where the heart is.

So, good news or bad news? I can't decide. I am just tired.