It’s strange this year… stranger than ever. I managed a few surprises myself and a lot of things were unexpected… first of all, I made it back home on the dot for Christmas which was amazing because for the past 10 years, I have not been able to do so… yet, upon arriving, it felt normal. It was an eerie camaraderie because I have always anticipated what Christmas would be like at home. I was neither excited nor sad.
Anyway… I came back for Alan and Bin’s wedding… CONGRATULATIONS to you both… looking at you guys tie the knot and how happy you were looking into each other’s eyes, its easy to forget how both of you struggled through rough patches. I had intended to give it a miss due to work but after thinking about it, it was worth the while coming back. I can never be more happier for you. However, due to work, I had to rough it out through the night… sorry for not being the ‘gunman’ (drinker) that night.
Being in that wedding reminded me of how love was once so important. Its been a topic I choose not to talk about because it scares the shit out of me. Honestly. It doesn’t exactly freak me out but I am unable to feel that I am able to love again. In fact, being attached is pre-dominantly a nonchalant subject to me now. People ask me, you should, must, when, will and yada yada yada… I have absolutely no idea and how it will be. This is what scares me. 5 years ago, I had a target, I achieved it way below the period, and now, I am setting myself another 5 years for my next target. It doesn’t seem to me I care much about being in love again. There have been offers, but I am unable to. I would love to commit but that’s the bitter part, I still can’t find my way back into love. It will take time.
Life in the Philippines have offered me unprecedented freedom but there’s a con to it… it gets a wee bit lonely. I can’t say I have everything but its enough to keep me smiling. Work has become part of my life and I must admit, the role I partake in has eaten up part of my life although I am not complaining. I still find people asking me the same ol’ question… “aren’t you tired of traveling…..?” …. I smile at that question and would have love to return the question,…..“would you rather be in my shoes?”
Time has moved on by so quickly that I have yet to realize its’ passing… the other day I had some quality time with me ol’ friends… 2 Snr Engineers, 1 Programmer, 1 Sports Trainer, 1 Doctor and 1 Businessman. We were catching up with old times and it wasn’t long before I realize, 3 of them are already married with kids, 3 of them by next year and that leaves me, the odd one out, still professing that single life is good.
Anyway… I came back for Alan and Bin’s wedding… CONGRATULATIONS to you both… looking at you guys tie the knot and how happy you were looking into each other’s eyes, its easy to forget how both of you struggled through rough patches. I had intended to give it a miss due to work but after thinking about it, it was worth the while coming back. I can never be more happier for you. However, due to work, I had to rough it out through the night… sorry for not being the ‘gunman’ (drinker) that night.
Being in that wedding reminded me of how love was once so important. Its been a topic I choose not to talk about because it scares the shit out of me. Honestly. It doesn’t exactly freak me out but I am unable to feel that I am able to love again. In fact, being attached is pre-dominantly a nonchalant subject to me now. People ask me, you should, must, when, will and yada yada yada… I have absolutely no idea and how it will be. This is what scares me. 5 years ago, I had a target, I achieved it way below the period, and now, I am setting myself another 5 years for my next target. It doesn’t seem to me I care much about being in love again. There have been offers, but I am unable to. I would love to commit but that’s the bitter part, I still can’t find my way back into love. It will take time.
Life in the Philippines have offered me unprecedented freedom but there’s a con to it… it gets a wee bit lonely. I can’t say I have everything but its enough to keep me smiling. Work has become part of my life and I must admit, the role I partake in has eaten up part of my life although I am not complaining. I still find people asking me the same ol’ question… “aren’t you tired of traveling…..?” …. I smile at that question and would have love to return the question,…..“would you rather be in my shoes?”
Time has moved on by so quickly that I have yet to realize its’ passing… the other day I had some quality time with me ol’ friends… 2 Snr Engineers, 1 Programmer, 1 Sports Trainer, 1 Doctor and 1 Businessman. We were catching up with old times and it wasn’t long before I realize, 3 of them are already married with kids, 3 of them by next year and that leaves me, the odd one out, still professing that single life is good.
Am I on the right path?.....
