Bidding Farewell... Yet Again

I am sure these sentiments are shared amongst my fellow colleagues... I remember taking these pictures in November 2005 when I was first posted to Indonesia and I told myself, I will see you soon.

Now and yet again, I am saying the same words. It just feels unreal that my days in KL have been grossly numbered since day 1 I joined this company. It is countable. It has been 2 years + since I traveled APAC plus the previous 8 years abroad... never thought I would be a nomad in 1998.

As I pack and leave for Manila yet again, it has been melancholic and over the past one year, this has been my sentiments. I fret to leave Malaysia again. I fret so much I am beginning to wonder what if I had stayed and not move again. Would it ever make a difference? This is the one question I ask myself constantly.

The sight of KLCC Petronas Twin Towers at 10pm on the 19th February 2008. A sight that will always remind me of home and how much I cherish it everytime I get the chance to.

Anyway, today also marks the 15th day of Chinese New Year, Chap Goh Mei, which, also is the Chinese Valentine's Day and a good day to 'Fong Sang'... literally meaning, 'Release Life'. I was advised to do so this year. And off I went to the market with my friend this morning to try getting some 'eatable frogs' but to no avail. Instead, found some tortoises in a nearby shop and bought all the available ones.

Four tortoises which were purchased in a nearby shop all packed into a box and waiting to be released into Kinta River

In the process of releasing all four tortoises into the river. It can be deem as a 'deed' done as part of the ritual.

Slowly but surely, after about 2-3 minutes of surveying the coast, the tortoises make their way en route to freedom from captvity.

Slowly submerging into the river.

This CNY has been an eventful one and for the first time, I am able to spend the entire 15 days in Malaysia after 10 years. On the other hand, if it wasnt because of my luckless leg infection/ injury, I wouldnt have been able to stay that long because of the projects I am handling.

I will bid Malaysia goodbye again today as I will be flying off to Manila tomorrow. It will be a tough proposition yet again as I have to come to terms with a few crisis when I reach. Hopefully all will be well in the end.

Tara... Updates later when I am in BICOL.

Short Script 20060805

Here's the first release of my first short script I wrote almost 2 years ago...

Short Script: Winter Amcorp

It was nearing 9.30pm on a Thursday night on the 3rd of August 2006. I was on the train back home, and feeling nauseatic as I had not taken my dinner. I leaned back towards my seat as the train went past Amcorp Mall. The brightly lit building reminded me of Romford Mall in Essex and suddenly, everything seemed quiet. I could see people around me but not hear them. My mind started to wander off.

It brought me back to one winter’s night after work, a week before Christmas. It was real. Dressed in a suit and a warm scarf over my neck, it was all there was on a wintry night. Snow flakes floated down from the sky, dancing their way before smacking itself on the train’s glass panels. Looking out through the window panes, a blanket of snow was beginning to cover the vast greenlands surrounding Essex, and on the inside, children were obliviously humming Christmas carols, innocently free from any worries while their parents, were seemingly contented with their pre Christmas shopping chores. There were also some, just like myself, after a long and tiring day at work, trying to catch a glimpse of what transpired between the birth of morning to the end of the day while others, were just completely swamped with shopping bags. Why not? Christmas was just around the corner. I managed a smile momentarily and thought to myself, how nice. One lucky lad you are. Christmas was more of, I would say, the pinnacle of my mundane and monotonously grid life that I had. It has never failed to remind me of them days when Santa Clauses all had big fake bellies stuffed with pillows and fake cotton beards, walking the supermarket alleys distributing goodie bags to dreamers like me who wondered, was there ever a Santa Clause? Were they real? To me, I only remembered snow as white polystyrene beads strewn all over the floor or as far as they could imitate it, dropping them from the rooftop on Christmas Day at Super Kinta back in 1988. It had me believing for a good couple of years that all those snow shown on television, were fakes. Yet, it provided me with an impetus to inspire myself.

Christmas to me, was also of sentimental reasons. Melodically inclined, the first few lines were always going to be ‘Chestnutttttts, roasting on an open fire….’. It would get me into such a sentimental mood that I can just wander off into neverland. Solid teak wooden cabin by the lakeside, serenity, solitude and the calmness of the night, a pretty looking pine tree, bells and ornaments, lights, big red stockings hung above the fireplace, the sound of burning wood trickling and popping away as it turns to amber, hot chocolate, watching snow flakes choreographing their way through eternal time by the window panes, and the soft mood of candle light that makes the most immaculate of settings. It was after all, a dream.

“*interlude tune* Next Station… Gidea Park”, followed by the sound of a deafening whistle, ‘All for Gidea Park,… please alight train bound for Sussex’. I was awakened. It was my stop. I blurrily hurried my way towards the closing doors and as I alighted the train, a gust of wind greeted me as I hung on to my scarf. Unfurling the collars of my overcoat, I was trying to cover my neck as much as I could. With a bag on one hand, the other was buttoning up as fast as I could. It was freezing cold.

‘Darn… winter sure is early this year!...Gotta go get a few more jumpers this weekend!’.

I quickened my usual pace as I climbed the stairs towards the exit. I had to put my gloves on as my hands were getting numb. With an excruciating 1 more mile to my cozy crib (which didn’t seem to bother me during summer), I began trudging my way through the fresh pile of 4 ½ inch of thick snow. It was kinda misty at first but a thick fog started billowing which made the journey looked even more contemptuous and never ending. Passing a field and a lake along the way, a row of old cottage lamps lit up the street, only merely passing out as dimmed lights due to the thickening fog, which, reminded me of another thing; cobbled lanes and Alfred Hitchcock. Although not the most glamorous of times to be thinking of twilight zones, I felt a sense of governance. I prided myself on the nomenclature of dreams come true as I flashed a weak smile across my weary and pale face, evidently bashed by the relentless gust and the ever freezing chill.


As I walked past houses and even old English cottages, it was nice to see the spirit of Christmas underway. Brightly lit snowmans’ perched on rooftops (yes, its modern these days where you don’t need to build one, you just buy them off the hardware store for a couple of quid, and voila, a smiling and singing snowman without the carrots), strings of rainbow colored lighting hung across the porch, and yes, a decorated Christmas tree sitting perfectly in the house.

I walked on and thought to myself, although I couldn’t relate much to it in terms of my life’s maturity, it was nonetheless a beautiful experience to know that there is peace on earth, however immature and silly I could be at that very moment. There was just silence, not those eerie ones but calm and beautiful ones, just like those moments I dreamt and longed for in the past.

Before I knew it, I was at my front porch. Taking a peek from a distance through the window panes, I smiled as I looked at my beautiful 6ft Christmas tree. I took another two steps forward, I could see my kitchen, and there she was preparing dinner. There was a warm feeling, a general consensus that I too belonged to the community and neighborhood. Strange, I wasn’t feeling cold anymore although my feet were too numb to feel anything else. I turned to my right and left, and I couldn’t help thinking about what ifs… what if I had not taken that daring step forward? I stood momentarily for a good 1 minute. I tried my best to hold back the tears that started to trickle down my cheek, no, not of sadness and melancholy but of joy, pure ecstasy of knowing nothing comes easy. Scarification is to get anything of value. Nothing that has meaning is easy, and easy doesn’t really enter into a grown up’s life. Satisfaction lies not in the attainment but in the effort taken to build one up from scratch.

As I stood still pondering, Alan Ross jogged past me… “Raymond, its freezing out here man, are you ok?”

Stunned by the sudden burst of concern from the silence of the moment, I gravely smiled and acknowledged.

“Yeah… just catching some air, Alan. It’s been a long day.”

“Right.. .well, if you need anything, I am just two blocks from you. I’ve got just the right tonic for you at my bar”

…. “Sure thing Ross. Have a nice weekend… ta’….”

I took another step forward, and another, reached into my pocket to get my keys and as I tried slotting it into the keyhole, I hesitated for a while for many unknown reasons, unexplainable ones. I wished I knew what I was hesitating but I couldn’t figure it out. It was just one of those moments. Blank. Period. Before I could even continue, the door opened before me and there she was with an anxious but sweet smile. Her mesmerizing eyes took me deep into a surreal sub hibernation mode. Time stopped just right there. “Beautiful…!” I whispered to myself…. My heart skipped a beat. Five years on, it still does. “..Wonderful!”. It was as though I was transported through a warping zone where everywhere and everything just evolved around her. Vista et Bella.

“Hun (A nick she so fondly used to call me)… Hunn… you ok?....”

…… “Hello…” I was jolted.

Still blur, I soon begin to realize that it was in fact a rude awakening from my beautiful dream. I had taken a short but sweet nap through 5 stations.

“Encik, last station”.

Hesitantly but surely, I picked my bag up and left the train. I didn’t know whether to smile or be frustrated.

I was still looking for clues on grounds of defiance. ‘Kelana Jaya’, it read. I wished I had an account for denial but it became evident that it was history. Things have changed drastically from what I had before. I have lost everything I had… or did I? Whichever way it was, I wished that candid moment at the doorstep had stopped forever. I can still remember vividly that smile that took my breath away, acute yet simple, innocent yet enchanting, comprehensive yet pleasant. I wished I hadn’t complained about those darn wintry conditions or those long train rides which seemed to take forever especially during winter.

It’s still vivid in my memories. But life’s like that, and I shall carry these memories with me for as long as I live, and for as long as it can spur me on in life.

‘Sometimes, it is as near to you as your life, but you can never wholly know it.”
-Robindranath Togore



RayC – Memoirs of Life’s Little Things [050806]

Saturday 16th February 2008

It has never been an easy ride, it will never be if all the things you did was fruitless.

Its disheartening at times.

You sweat it out, yet it is not enough.

What do you do during these times? ... This year will be harsh...

Blink & Think!

Psychological Literature Warfare:

Isn’t it cool that we have novelty rivals trying to outdo others in the literature world. Check this out…

The one on the left would be 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell, a recent book that I have indulged in that says and tells all about the power of thinking without thinking, meaning, the perception developed at first sight for the first 2 seconds and how you can master that judgment.

The one on the right is 'Th!nk' by Michael R.LeGault, a book that tells you NOT TO BLINK but THINK and why crucial decisions can’t be made in the blink of an eye… quite the opposite of what I am reading now.

So, this makes it really weird. Guess I will have a swing at ‘Th!nk’ when I finish with ‘Blink’.

Immobilized 9th - 12th February 2008

Whatta way to start the year. According to the Chinese Solar Calendar, the first year of the Rat begun on the 4th February 2008 and this was exactly the date all things went astray for me.

Bringing the unknown infection from BICOL back to Manila, it was quietly strange that my legs were numb all the time. I didn’t question it until the day of my return flight back to Malaysia where it really got stiff and painful. Tried seeking medical advice in the Philippines but time wasn’t on my side. Returned home, sought consultation from 2 different GPs before a final referral to a specialist. Even that, I had to seek a 2nd opinion with my own physician in KL because the situation was getting out of hand with no doctors around really knew what was wrong with my leg and how it could swell up like that. Finally, 2 days after CNY and also loads of antibiotics prescribed for me which didn’t work, the specialist had to throw in the towel and I was admitted into the hospital for observation… the very first time in my life. Blood tests came back and report showed I had a lesser count of red blood cells which wasn’t normal. This could be the case when an infection has taken place with which, doctors have assessed the situation to be called ‘Cellulities’ which I have absolutely no idea of… accordingly, the inflammation and damage of the soft tissues.

Cellulitis is an infection of the skin and underlying tissues that can affect any area of the body. It often begins in an area of broken skin, like a cut or scratch, when bacteria invade and spread, causing inflammation, pain, swelling, warmth, and redness. Cellulitis also can form in areas of intact skin, especially in people who have diabetes or who are taking medicines that suppress the immune system. This kind of cellulitis is treated with antibiotics and close follow-up. If untreated, it can progress to a more serious infection that affects vision. They begin typically as a small, inflamed area of pain, swelling, warmth, and redness on the skin. Cellulitis is not contagious.

State of Leg: (L) Right leg on 6th February 2008

(R) Left Leg on 7th February 2008

Both right legs on 7th February 2008

Swollen right leg on the 8th February 2008 which prompted immediate attention the following day on the 9th February 2008 as I had difficulties trying to walk already

And so here I am, admitted on the 9th February 2008 and sitted in Bed 109A, waiting for time to pass by.

Auspicious as it is, I was finally admitted into the hospital on the 3rd day of CNY, 9th February 2008, Room 9, c/o Dr Raveen, Orthopedics.

Admission card and room view (#9) in Ward 1 C @ Fatimah Hospital. Personalized TV, en suite shower, personalized elevated coffee table, study table, complimentary breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner, injections, medication, morning wake up call at 5am for first jab,... what else can you ask for?

I had to bring along my laptop, dont ask why if you know me. With an IV stuck to my hand, my left hand movement was partially restricted, what more with both my legs elevated to keep the blood circulation moving.

Ouch... Needless to explain... it was a daily affair.

After nights in the hospital, the swelling was reduced thanks to 7 painstaking antibiotic jabs, countless tabs, etc. However, the cause is still unknown and the infected area was still reddish, meaning, not completely healed.

I apologize for not informing anyone regarding this and only to those who called me knew exactly what had happened. Its Chinese New Year after all and its not so nice hearing this kind of things. With a needle stuck to my hand and both feet on an elevated position, its hard to think about something that I can really do except for staring at the tv, read books or papers, or to work on certain things on my laptop. My other appointments had to be cancelled including my flight, meetings, etc. I am left with no choice. It sucks to be immobilized like that although I can see a reasoning why the doctor called for it, its just strange for me because I am always on the go. Even having no internet access in the hospital sucks big time as I couldn’t check my mails and my project status. Its more frustrating as ever as I depend solely on my mobile and sms-es. Oh well… what can I do… this is how it is when your entire life gets truncated from the outside world…

Which brings me to my uncle and aunty who once invited me to meditate in Australia in a monastery for 30 days without newspaper, mobile phones, visitors, and anything related to the physics of life except for getting up at 5am, meditate, sweep the floor, eat, meditate again, eat, relax, ease up, meditate, and sleep on wooden canvases. Meaning, totally and absolutely cut off from the outside world and when you meditate, nothing and absolutely nothing must be running in your mind except the nothingness that you feel. So, try this, take 1 minute, close your eyes, cross your legs or in whatever position is best for you, and think of absolutely nothing, do nothing and just control your breathing. See if you can even control the slightest of nothingness or not. I failed miserably after 30 seconds. It was too odd, strange, cold and immediately I was engulfed with a million things to do instantly.

Hence, meditation is not easy. It’s discipline and control. I have yet to achieve that...

Test Results

Thou shall not lose thy passion...

Its a nomenclature I have kept all my life regardless of whatever situation.

Tomorrow my test results will be out. Regardless of whatever, I will still trudge the road to greatness.

Everyday...

This song sings and ryhmes with the backdrop of BICOL... imagine these melodic tunes filling the countryside air whilst watching sunrise or sunset...

In fact, I bumped into this song by chance... I used Track ID to retrieve the name of the song from the radio... and I have been stuck ever since. It talks about the everyday conundrum...

Have a go...



True Faith - Araw Gabi Lyrics

Nasaan ka na, nasaan ka na o giliw ko?
Nariyan lang ba, malapit o malayo?
At kung di ka makita ay ramdam ka pa rin.
Araw gabi, lagi kitang kapiling.

Larawang nakasabit sa may harapan,
Nakaraang hinding-hindi malilimutan,
Napaluha ako at napangiti din,
Araw gabi lagi kitang kapiling.

Kahit di kita nakausap man lang,
Nang gabi na ikaw ay lumisan,
Alam na alam, ko namang nandirito ka lang.

Tinig nating di nawawala sa aking pandinig,
Awit na likha ng ating pag-ibig,
At buong gabi inaawit ko hanggang ako'y maidlip,
Araw gabi lagi kitang kapiling.

At sa isang gabi na tila malaya,
Nawala kang bigla nang walang paalam,
Alam ko na nakamit mo rin ang kapayapaan.

Tinig nating di nawawala sa aking pandinig,
Awit na likha ng ating pag-ibig,
Lalalalalala,lalalala,lalalalala,lalalala

Nasaan ka na, nasaan ka na o giliw ko?
Nariyan lang ba, malapit o malayo?
At kung di ka makita ay ramdam ka pa rin.
Araw gabi, lagi kitang kapiling.
Araw gabi, lagi kitang kapiling.
Araw gabi, lagi kitang kapiling.

Happy CNY : Life in Philippines

Last year this time, I had just come back from Pakistan and this year around, from Philippines. Still, it felt like yesterday once more. Chinese New Year is still the same... but I am thankful to be back for the big reunion. Its a wonderful thing.

GONG XI FATT CHAI!!

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Ever wondered what I do in Philippines? To be honest, so far, most people I know thinks that its a pretty much relaxing office job I am having there. Ok, let me break it down to you... which I think, is the best job in the world... the thrills, passion and the challenge which is always there!

We have to submit to all modes of transportation including the one you are seeing here which is a makeshift train going to one of the sites about 1km away from the main road.

Life in a bed of roses?... think again... muddy sites and landslides greets me every single time.. not to mention getting sucked in those yucky slimey mud pools and best part is when, you have to trudge almost 100m on these conditions to get to your site.

A standard cell site and how it looks like after excavation, 30 days before final completion of site. These are the conditions that I, my engineers and the laborers have to endure.

To be honest, this is just part of it... sometimes, cell sites are located 1km into the paddy fields, or in the remotest of jungles, or up in the mountains or hills surrounded by rebels, plus the uncanny weather of frequent typhoons that can sweep you away in no time. However, I love the job. This is my passion and my adventure. How many jobs in the world can fill this criteria? How many people are susceptible to these conditions. I am not talking about a 9-5 office job. These are 12 hours or round the clock job. To be as the Regional Project Manager, this is the challenge I am partaking in... its not so much of the money... its about testing my limits and I am glad, I am given this chance.

Not only that, how often can you get the experience of seeing things you will never ever know or seen before just like the picture below? I call this my Alien Farm... it looks like some terrestrial alien has landed on this part of the world...

Now, take a guess what are these that you see below....

In fact, these are personalized chicken houses for those cock fights... meaning, they are more like the VIP accommodation for those cock that goes into the ring. Btw, cock fighting is more or less legal. The materials that makes these 'special lodging' are....... car tyres! How ingenious! Looks cute aint it?

Well, apart from all those, we too have the sights and sounds of BICOL such like below.

Power Grid amidst the paddy fields during late sunset... it can be very mellowish at times with the smog forming in the background.

OR

The extremely melancholic satisfaction at the end of the day when you know you have survived another day of mental slaughter, baked in the sun for a good half day, shouting and debating with the contractors and management.

I love my job and the package of adventure and passion that comes with it. However, its not all fairy taley we are talking about... its tough and it will break you, it will throw you into a mental doldrum where all hell breaks loose... but still, and yet, its the job after all that I have fallen in love with...

Its hard to avert the things that you fall in love with... its hard... believe me...