Fields Of Gold
Howling winds of up to 15mps are driving me crazy!! In Liverpool, there's this something called the North Westerly Winds directly facing the Irish Sea and it is also the second running to the most disastrous winds in the UK! Wished the weather was more like Malaysia in these times... warm, sunny, and pleasant. Funny as it seems, the weather might be the shittest I've ever had... but I'm beginning to see the light to certain things. Don't ask me what... it's just a feeling... but it's getting better. Anyway, better get back to my journals... just a tick for people out there that I know, that I'm still alive, well and kicking... since many mates these days have been completely frustrated with my lack of communication... I'm well.
Saturday, October 26, 2002
Monday, October 21, 2002
Weird Science
Things have gone absolutely strange and hectic lately... or to be exact... over the past few weeks. I've succumbed to stress in a way I started to drift away from the social aspects of life. It's a rare sight for students but as I have amazingly found out through a number of different channels, all Masters students are experiencing the same thing as me which means it is not just me... I'm not alone! To say the course is good... I have absolutely no doubt or qualms about it but its definitely tearing me up piece by piece... at least for the past few weeks. Thought I had a firm grip on it about last week but I was wrong. I'll never be relaxed as long as I know I've got so much to do. I had a few counselling sessions with different people over the week and it helped me a lot. People say I think alot... too much in fact that I am constantly under severe pressure which leads to a significant change in stress. I have got feedbacks from all my mates and my score was dealt with the most shocking aspect of all... I've completely change.
Therefore, I'll hafta find myself back and FAST, and I'm sure I'll be able to do it. I've more or less swayed sideways and almost ended up in a ditch but there you go... a Scouser's luck is a Scouser's luck. Thanks to me mates and family who have kept me sane throughout speaking to you guys through the phone, ICQ and not forgetting a soul mate who has always been there... and yeah, thanks SP for wearing the red shirt the other day when Liverpool played against Leeds Utd... I noticed. And I would deem it as the lucky Liverpool jersey now even though it's not. Two consecutive victories, Chelsea and Leeds, what about wearing it again on Tuesday nite when Liverpool play Spartak Moscow away? Please....
Anyway, its study week for the next 7 days which means no classes but its' a renewed energy on my part. I am at the library now... been here since morning and will be till nite. Strive as I may but to all those folks whom I have been a 'stranger' over the past few weeks which affected you guys in a way and made you all question yourselves, I am sorry. Will make amends... work with me. Else than that, I am fired on all cylinders, and possess a perfectly normal aesthetic appearance which is top notch. My last say... pls work with me everyone... I've seen postgraduate students crumbling in all possible ways... I am not about to see myself be in that situation. Time and chance. Ta' guys....
::Coldplay - In My Place ::
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you
If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?
Please, please, please
Come on and sing to me
To me, me
Come on and sing it out, out, out
Come on and sing it now, now, now
Come on and sing it
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah
Thursday, October 17, 2002
Apocalypta
My week felt like it has never ended since I took up the gauntlet... feeding in ammo from day to day. It's on a Thursday morning... many things in my mind... research offer accross the Mersey, oooooo... IT Analyst.... sounds good but feasible at this time of the year? Anyway, life hasn't been all hell for me. Good times, bad times... and just another ordinary day. I just love these night moments... tranquil yet charming. Jazz and Soul fills this freaked out world of mine... 'right right... let's not get too engrossed with poetic shit here. To all my mates whom I have not contacted for a long time... sorry guys... been all packed up. Will do so in due time... to my dear family and especially my parents... hope you guys understand but feel free to drop me a line whenever possible. Just lemme brief you guys on my day activities... how about having 10 Construction and IT journals each day, 5 Law books, 2 Economics paper, and just about everything else you can think about right at the stroke of 12midnight each and every day? As I've said earlier... it scared the shit outtaf me for the first few weeks but now beginning to get the hang outtaf it... but still... freaking stressed! I would certainly advise anyone against doing a Masters unless you have proper experience from the working world. Just gimme a buzz if you guys have any advise!
It's like all of a sudden my life is surrounded with academicians, philosophies, epitomologies etc!!!! Freak me side ways!! Anyway, gotta get back to my books... but all is cool here... Autumn is ere'... and melancholiness of it all starts to creep in. Wish me luck! Ta' ...
My week felt like it has never ended since I took up the gauntlet... feeding in ammo from day to day. It's on a Thursday morning... many things in my mind... research offer accross the Mersey, oooooo... IT Analyst.... sounds good but feasible at this time of the year? Anyway, life hasn't been all hell for me. Good times, bad times... and just another ordinary day. I just love these night moments... tranquil yet charming. Jazz and Soul fills this freaked out world of mine... 'right right... let's not get too engrossed with poetic shit here. To all my mates whom I have not contacted for a long time... sorry guys... been all packed up. Will do so in due time... to my dear family and especially my parents... hope you guys understand but feel free to drop me a line whenever possible. Just lemme brief you guys on my day activities... how about having 10 Construction and IT journals each day, 5 Law books, 2 Economics paper, and just about everything else you can think about right at the stroke of 12midnight each and every day? As I've said earlier... it scared the shit outtaf me for the first few weeks but now beginning to get the hang outtaf it... but still... freaking stressed! I would certainly advise anyone against doing a Masters unless you have proper experience from the working world. Just gimme a buzz if you guys have any advise!
It's like all of a sudden my life is surrounded with academicians, philosophies, epitomologies etc!!!! Freak me side ways!! Anyway, gotta get back to my books... but all is cool here... Autumn is ere'... and melancholiness of it all starts to creep in. Wish me luck! Ta' ...
Monday, October 07, 2002
Gentle Breeze
Indescribable as it seems, tough yet challenging. My course starts off like an actual Outward Bound course for a 1 year old kid. Here I am from a Mechanical background going into a Construction scene... so, civil guys... watch your back. Anyway... the MSc. has outstretched me to my limits and as each day goes by, I am increasing my limitations, venturing into a 'once-thought-far-from-reach' datum. Somehow or rather... I will pull it through. Let's keep our finger's crossed. But it's funny how it all ends up so philosophically and mentally arousing that we have to have answers for our very own answers. And we have to keep questioning what other people are questioning or researching. Finding answers to answers that has never been answered before. I mean think about it... there's so many things in this whole wide world to research about and in reality... when are we gonna find all these answers to our questions? Never! It's all about thinking really, in a Masters course.
Anyway, went about my b'day the other day and it was so unexpected! And to be very honest, I haven't had a bunch of friends to celebrate it with me before... but of course... I reserved the day before for my other half and it was quite an evening spent dining and basking in the moonlight. The very next day, lecures as usual but as night fell, what was thought to be only 3 friends celebrating it for me swelled right up to 17ppl and that was cool fun. Nonetheless... it was another ordinary day and I am just glad each day passes by peacefully. It has been stressful over the last few weeks... I have been having migraine from my sinus and it was killing me. Really, the stress got the better outtaf me over the last few weeks but I am glad I am finally coming to terms with it. Not to mention the nose bleed for 3 consecutive days!! But all is well now... no more of that sort... just the occasional migraine. Not to mention the A & E of the Royal Liverpool Hospital which almost led me to insanity on Thursday night. Went there at 11pm and only got off at about 6am!! Went there for a check up on my constant nose bleed and you know something… when I queried the doctor regarding my abnormal bleeding… he queried me back…”Is your nose bleeding now?”.. and I gladly told him no and he replied me… “Then I can’t do anything about it coz it’s not bleeding now.”…. I mean… common sense would have told him that if I was still bleeding now and for 3 consecutive days… I would have been dead!! What I wanted literally from the doctors was that they might have been able to run up a brain scan on me to see if there were any internal injuries or something like that… but no! They stuck to the question of “Was I still bleeding from my nose at that very moment?”… Pretty dumb I would say huh?? So, I finally came to the utter conclusion that it was my sinus which was causing all the headache and the bleeding caused by the lamb chops and steaks over the past few days! Damn… my favourites which I have to omit from my menu for the next week or so till I recover!
Liverpool played today... coming to think of it, today was the only day ever since I started my course that I felt really relaxed and composed. It all started in the evening when after 89 minutes of open play, Michael Owen scored for Liverpool's 1-0 win over Chelsea at Anfield!! It really brightened up my day instantly and immediately after that, I was thinking... what the hell... and I went to the cinema with SP for the show 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. After the show, we went to Caesar's Palace for a sumptuous meal and it was really like ..."Gosh... it feels so good!" and I started to question myself on the last I came out like that! It was like being a dolphin for once after so long! No more work politics like before but there you go, studies stress comes along and its like a continuous motion. Anyhow, Liverpool is in 2nd place and hot on Arsenal’s heels... 2 points behind and it’ll be a hot title race after all… You’ll Never Walk Alone lads!
Indescribable as it seems, tough yet challenging. My course starts off like an actual Outward Bound course for a 1 year old kid. Here I am from a Mechanical background going into a Construction scene... so, civil guys... watch your back. Anyway... the MSc. has outstretched me to my limits and as each day goes by, I am increasing my limitations, venturing into a 'once-thought-far-from-reach' datum. Somehow or rather... I will pull it through. Let's keep our finger's crossed. But it's funny how it all ends up so philosophically and mentally arousing that we have to have answers for our very own answers. And we have to keep questioning what other people are questioning or researching. Finding answers to answers that has never been answered before. I mean think about it... there's so many things in this whole wide world to research about and in reality... when are we gonna find all these answers to our questions? Never! It's all about thinking really, in a Masters course.
Anyway, went about my b'day the other day and it was so unexpected! And to be very honest, I haven't had a bunch of friends to celebrate it with me before... but of course... I reserved the day before for my other half and it was quite an evening spent dining and basking in the moonlight. The very next day, lecures as usual but as night fell, what was thought to be only 3 friends celebrating it for me swelled right up to 17ppl and that was cool fun. Nonetheless... it was another ordinary day and I am just glad each day passes by peacefully. It has been stressful over the last few weeks... I have been having migraine from my sinus and it was killing me. Really, the stress got the better outtaf me over the last few weeks but I am glad I am finally coming to terms with it. Not to mention the nose bleed for 3 consecutive days!! But all is well now... no more of that sort... just the occasional migraine. Not to mention the A & E of the Royal Liverpool Hospital which almost led me to insanity on Thursday night. Went there at 11pm and only got off at about 6am!! Went there for a check up on my constant nose bleed and you know something… when I queried the doctor regarding my abnormal bleeding… he queried me back…”Is your nose bleeding now?”.. and I gladly told him no and he replied me… “Then I can’t do anything about it coz it’s not bleeding now.”…. I mean… common sense would have told him that if I was still bleeding now and for 3 consecutive days… I would have been dead!! What I wanted literally from the doctors was that they might have been able to run up a brain scan on me to see if there were any internal injuries or something like that… but no! They stuck to the question of “Was I still bleeding from my nose at that very moment?”… Pretty dumb I would say huh?? So, I finally came to the utter conclusion that it was my sinus which was causing all the headache and the bleeding caused by the lamb chops and steaks over the past few days! Damn… my favourites which I have to omit from my menu for the next week or so till I recover!
Liverpool played today... coming to think of it, today was the only day ever since I started my course that I felt really relaxed and composed. It all started in the evening when after 89 minutes of open play, Michael Owen scored for Liverpool's 1-0 win over Chelsea at Anfield!! It really brightened up my day instantly and immediately after that, I was thinking... what the hell... and I went to the cinema with SP for the show 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. After the show, we went to Caesar's Palace for a sumptuous meal and it was really like ..."Gosh... it feels so good!" and I started to question myself on the last I came out like that! It was like being a dolphin for once after so long! No more work politics like before but there you go, studies stress comes along and its like a continuous motion. Anyhow, Liverpool is in 2nd place and hot on Arsenal’s heels... 2 points behind and it’ll be a hot title race after all… You’ll Never Walk Alone lads!