Week V: Week Ending Funnies

Since my driver was off to Lahore, I had no other options but to book another car to fetch a colleague of mine from the airport. Aszman was returning to Pakistan. Nice! Here’s what transpired:

Me : Shukriaaa Bhai…
Driver : No problem sir. Airport?
M : Yes.
Driver : You like music?
M : Yes

(However, I was having a throbbing headache because of the workload… He starts turning the music up, it was a Urdu techno song)

Driver : Ahhh…. You like?
Me : Errr… its ok. Any slow song? Classical? Slow?
Driver : You no like Urdu song?
Me : NNnnnnNoooooo… not that. I like Urdu song, but maybe not today. Me sick.
Driver : What mean Sir?

(*In your free time, try to describe these two words “Sick” and “Maybe” in the simplest English and you’ll know what I mean)

Me : Err… (touching me forehead while mimicking a pathetic and forlorn face)… sick? You understand? Errr… (I even tried putting a pen into my mouth to mimic a thermometer in my mouth)…. (Whilst all that failed, the easiest was to mimic a sleeping position)… errr… sick?
Driver : Aahhhh… Yes…. You no feel well?
Me : ??@#?!? Ahh… yes… you speak good English… (eerrr… duh???@!)
Driver : Ok ok… me change music… you like English music?
Me : Ahhh.. yes. English music good.
Driver : ok ok… nehi masla (no problem). I have nice English song.
Me : Good!

(suddenly, a loud and crazy techno and house Urdu cum English music like rhythm blasted me into the black hole… that was how horrified and stunned I was!)….

Driver : (looking at me with anticipation… ) good sir?
Me : phwwwooooarr… too loud… (I didn’t want annoy him, so I was thinking of just turning it down a bit even though the music sucks big time, I just didn’t want to explain further)
Driver : (looks at me with desperation… ) what?
Me : Errr… loud? Noisy? Nnnoooo….? (after much explanation, I covered my ears and he got it!)
Driver : Ooohhhh.. ok ok sir. I think you no like song.
Me : (oh yeah whatever?@!#?!)... Noo Noo… don’t misunderstand. I love music, just not too loud.
Driver : (smiles… and kept looking at me at intervals of 10 seconds to see if it got my approval of his choice of song)…
Me : Err… road…(pointing to the front)… you no see road… (I had to apply the basic of the simplest English to make him understand and plus, his headlights weren’t on as it was getting dark)…
Driver : No worry. Me eyes good. see very far. (still glancing at me at intervals)
Me : (I had no other choice but to close my eyes and play dead, I was horrified to say the least)…..
Driver : ………. (started to sing Hindi and Urdu songs….)
Me : (got up, switched off the God damn radio… and gave him a long stare…)
Driver : (with his puffy and eeyore type eyes…)… I think Sir... you, ...music daft!
Me : ???!?#@?!~?@#?$... Huh? (continued to play dead…)

Whatta Jerk! The first in Pakistan and tell me his English is no good… music daft konon! Bluekkk!@#!>?@!#?