My colleagues and I had a deep discussion the other day and I couldn’t help but dwell more into it. There was I, looking at them, transforming their lives into an identifiable entity…
1. B is getting married soon and he doesn’t even know who or understand how its going to take place, where, and when but he know he is. He is excited to say the least and is undergoing a self development mindset change that could spell the end of singlehood. The self mold is one that I envy and a wishful thinking that possibly, I could be in his shoes one day.
2. A is pronouncing their engagement very soon, been in a courtship for a long time. He seems contented and is very much looking forward to it. Strong and responsible.
3. C is married with a kid and his change has been imminent, and quite obvious from last year. More self proclaimed in a subtle way, less of an animal, more responsible.
4. S is also about to get married, already been in courtship for a long time. Subtle, profound and has his own dwellings that spells steadiness.
5. JL is more or less still the same person I know and is enjoying his youthfulness. Quite possibly in my shoes now... or maybe not...
6. JV is also one of the more emphatic colleagues that spells Casanova. Still enjoying his time although he is married.
7. AMY is one cool dude. Not married, still with miles of youthfulness ahead of him and is surely and definitely enjoying his singlehood.
I looked at the trend… and I reflected it upon my years since post-805. It has been quite a journey I must admit. I am standing here now with at least 59% of my roadmap covered, sealed and achieved. I am still aiming for the remaining part of my 5-year-plan. However, I couldn’t help but reevaluate myself if I am headed towards the right direction.
A part of me remains a mystery even to myself. I am caught and split between an engagement into my readiness to commit to a relationship. It has become quite a taboo to me. It’s readily available to me, but I retreat into a more comfortable singlehood. Probably afraid to commit, probably scarred, probably don’t wanna end up justifying endlessness. Yes, its me NOW and I wish I can change for the better like how my brothers above are… but I hibernate when confronted into this subject matter. I go into hiatus. Even my parents are querying me on this. But I hate to see all that I have earned post 805 to go away like this. Will it go away? Probably not. Hence, why? ...
Inside me, deep down I believe there’s a hint of space left for ‘the other half’… there is, however, there is a great deal for me to work on it and I just don’t have the time to do it. Me, being away and far off my original continent, wants to believe, but the odds are there. I once had an inkling that 2009 will be my target year to achieve ‘partnerships’ or ‘marriage’ but that failed recently.
Thus, at the moment, I come to a conclusion that, nope, this is not the year to be. Why? Because here are 9 good reasons:
1. I still cant switch off my phone after work, never mind going to sleep and having 3 cells by my bed side
2. I cannot commit to a weekend at a pretty resort, even for 2 days without thinking about work, never mind getting 20 sms-es regarding work on silent mode watching a 2 hour movie.
3. I cannot imagine having someone calling me every night to talk about love and what not, never mind imagining having someone to sleep beside me. (I love my bedtime even with the empty space beside)
4. I am barely up to my neck trying to solve my own issues (..and thereof whoever is under me…), never mind trying to ponder about other issues on love.
5. I still have a traveler’s mindset and heart,… alone that is. I don’t rule out romantic travels in the future (… which I have been through…)
6. I still love the privilege of having options (in finances most of all… time and responsibility on the top three). I know some in the above list do not.
7. I believe I am not fit yet to care for someone, when I can barely hold on to my emotions at work… at times. Attached and married people have that extra inch of patience to withstand this.
8. I believe I need to get back in shape in 2009. I have seriously went overboard and I am still trying to convince myself that its time for me to cut the pounds, never mind being nagged to do so.
9. I believe I need to be financially stronger to venture by myself (for survival purposes). Resource is a not a problem now, but I hope I can improve on the one strength that I have now… to be sure.
I could be evasive and selfish and whatever they might call it (some have truly commented on this especially those I have politely refused), but I don’t mean harm and my intentions are well beyond what I can do at the moment. I hope everyone understands… most importantly, with this, I have answered some questions that my heart yearns.
1. B is getting married soon and he doesn’t even know who or understand how its going to take place, where, and when but he know he is. He is excited to say the least and is undergoing a self development mindset change that could spell the end of singlehood. The self mold is one that I envy and a wishful thinking that possibly, I could be in his shoes one day.
2. A is pronouncing their engagement very soon, been in a courtship for a long time. He seems contented and is very much looking forward to it. Strong and responsible.
3. C is married with a kid and his change has been imminent, and quite obvious from last year. More self proclaimed in a subtle way, less of an animal, more responsible.
4. S is also about to get married, already been in courtship for a long time. Subtle, profound and has his own dwellings that spells steadiness.
5. JL is more or less still the same person I know and is enjoying his youthfulness. Quite possibly in my shoes now... or maybe not...
6. JV is also one of the more emphatic colleagues that spells Casanova. Still enjoying his time although he is married.
7. AMY is one cool dude. Not married, still with miles of youthfulness ahead of him and is surely and definitely enjoying his singlehood.
I looked at the trend… and I reflected it upon my years since post-805. It has been quite a journey I must admit. I am standing here now with at least 59% of my roadmap covered, sealed and achieved. I am still aiming for the remaining part of my 5-year-plan. However, I couldn’t help but reevaluate myself if I am headed towards the right direction.
A part of me remains a mystery even to myself. I am caught and split between an engagement into my readiness to commit to a relationship. It has become quite a taboo to me. It’s readily available to me, but I retreat into a more comfortable singlehood. Probably afraid to commit, probably scarred, probably don’t wanna end up justifying endlessness. Yes, its me NOW and I wish I can change for the better like how my brothers above are… but I hibernate when confronted into this subject matter. I go into hiatus. Even my parents are querying me on this. But I hate to see all that I have earned post 805 to go away like this. Will it go away? Probably not. Hence, why? ...
Inside me, deep down I believe there’s a hint of space left for ‘the other half’… there is, however, there is a great deal for me to work on it and I just don’t have the time to do it. Me, being away and far off my original continent, wants to believe, but the odds are there. I once had an inkling that 2009 will be my target year to achieve ‘partnerships’ or ‘marriage’ but that failed recently.
Thus, at the moment, I come to a conclusion that, nope, this is not the year to be. Why? Because here are 9 good reasons:
1. I still cant switch off my phone after work, never mind going to sleep and having 3 cells by my bed side
2. I cannot commit to a weekend at a pretty resort, even for 2 days without thinking about work, never mind getting 20 sms-es regarding work on silent mode watching a 2 hour movie.
3. I cannot imagine having someone calling me every night to talk about love and what not, never mind imagining having someone to sleep beside me. (I love my bedtime even with the empty space beside)
4. I am barely up to my neck trying to solve my own issues (..and thereof whoever is under me…), never mind trying to ponder about other issues on love.
5. I still have a traveler’s mindset and heart,… alone that is. I don’t rule out romantic travels in the future (… which I have been through…)
6. I still love the privilege of having options (in finances most of all… time and responsibility on the top three). I know some in the above list do not.
7. I believe I am not fit yet to care for someone, when I can barely hold on to my emotions at work… at times. Attached and married people have that extra inch of patience to withstand this.
8. I believe I need to get back in shape in 2009. I have seriously went overboard and I am still trying to convince myself that its time for me to cut the pounds, never mind being nagged to do so.
9. I believe I need to be financially stronger to venture by myself (for survival purposes). Resource is a not a problem now, but I hope I can improve on the one strength that I have now… to be sure.
I could be evasive and selfish and whatever they might call it (some have truly commented on this especially those I have politely refused), but I don’t mean harm and my intentions are well beyond what I can do at the moment. I hope everyone understands… most importantly, with this, I have answered some questions that my heart yearns.
