Still Time...

The weather today was too ‘pleasant’ that I decided to f*** my Monday movies and got back to sleep. It was drizzling… and it was so cool the whole day that I told myself… “Why not?”.

9.00am…….After having only to sleep 3 hours.. the first phone call woke me up. Until now, I still have no idea who I spoke to… still figuring it out. I got back to sleep.

10.30am… ..The second phone call came in and it was my friend asking me for dinner. In a grudge voice, I politely turned him down.

12.05pm…. ..The third one came and it was a wrong number by an unknown freaked out shit face from London. Getting pissed already….

1.07pm………Hing called me for coffee and got f***ked by me because coffee sessions doesn’t start until 4pm… and it was only 1pm for Christ sake!! But I too had forgotten that today was Easter Monday, and Bank Holiday and he had no classes. That’s why he was early today. But after that I was alright.

2.15pm……... The fourth phone call came in and this time I told myself enough is enough. The weather was just perfect for sleeping… and if that is also not possible on my day off… it will be far off the limit… man oh man… the next person was really a victim! I feel sorry for her. I didn’t mean it.

3.05pm………. There were no phone calls but I woke up trying to recap what had happened over the past few hours… I was still feeling dizzy… but didn’t sleep on. Just lazed around the bed whilst listening to Mozart and the ‘Serendipity’ soundtrack.

4.17pm……….. Woke up and made a long distance call to the States. Surprisingly, my applications were not found but eventually, it was sorted out. Hope fades away.

4.34pm………… Went out to check for letters… another rejection letter from Lattice Group (the one I had a telephone interview with)… good way to start my day? The shite weather compounded my moodiness + inadequate sleeping hours!

4.40pm…………. Went on the internet to check for some good news but to no avail. Called Hing for café at Nero and I spent the next 2 hours chatting with him.

8.15pm………… Ping invited me for dinner… and I obliged. I was thinking to myself… “What else can go wrong?”… had dinner there with Hing as well and mingled around for another few hours before I returned to my nest.

12.01am……….. Already tired and lonesome… Lee asked me to do him a favor! I obliged but as he went on with his demands… I was pretty pissed off and I snapped… I didn’t give a rat’s ass who the hell he was… I was just thinking to myself… “Can’t I have a minute silence on my day off??” Can’t I just do my own things? Why is everyone pissing me off on my supposedly relaxing day? It was just like you’re on your holiday and your boss is demanding that you immediately come back for work!

…. Overall, I feel like I am going nuts. This, that, here, there…. F***!! Tomorrow will be a terribly long day for me… my joints are aching… but what I desire is no longer in existence… hopefully not for long. Anyway, this is my shit life in Liverpool on shit days… good days are hard to come by… tough days are aplenty…. relaxing days are what I long for, and I am still waiting for the gloom to be lifted since last 2 weeks. Guess I just hafta be patient or that’s what I really hope for… clinging on to the mother of hopes… my faith is as strong as ever, my will is determined but reality is wearing me out. Caught in between junctions…I am afraid of making my next turn in fear of no turning back. But I will do my best and I will fight on till the last straw.

Eddie's son back at home is seriously ill... just got his message and he is totally devastated. It must be hard for him now... I'll pray for you as well. Being away from home with your wife handling these kindaf situations must be kinda tricky and it takes a whole lot of determination to get through all this. I am here if you need me. Too tired to think now... 'till tomorrow then.

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Sleepless in Liverpool
::Tuesday 2nd April 2002::

8.30am .............. My eyes flashed open after only 3 hours of sleep. This is not the first time it is happening. It has been going on for the past week or so. Those previous times when I slept back on, I was usually late for certain things especially work. Today, I dragged my sorry ass up, had a morning shower... and only then did I realise that it was only 9.15am. Another hour and 45 minutes before I start work. It is also the 2nd of April... 4 more days to the next big thing, exactly 2 weeks from now to D-Day, and eventually months away from the dateline for job applications. Everything seems to come to me when I am still in the midst of a daydream.

Anyhow, no complaints but more hard work to come. I have to... I need to! Get your butt up and start working out what needs to be done. No two f***s about anything... it's either my sorry ass is staying up or going down and I ain't gonna let the latter happen.

Going out for cafe now at Live before my work starts. Gotta chuck... more later. Fingers crossed.