There has been a rather weird, funny kinda milieu going at the back of my head these days and believe me, its the weirdest I have felt for ages now... not since before I went to the States. Its the most subtle of feelings, so precise that I personally feel weird. Maybe its just me who is playing tricks with myself. Anyway, I've been doing lotsaf observation these days and I find it rather amusing to know about something which has been unanswerable to me all this while. It is still unanswerable but still, I feel a part of me has been accomplished by knowing about a meticulous fact. I find myself having weird and superficial dreams which fascinates me. I never hallucinate nor daydream but still, sometimes, it felt as though I was in a paranormal place where time stood still. I have never been relieved of my stress in bulk before but this time, its as though someone lifted a great burden off my shoulders. I dont know who, why, what or how but I feel fine. As I've said, I find it much refreshing than my previous anaemic condition although some questions are left unanswered. Every new day is an erudtion experience and I find myself today, a step closer to understanding the facet of life, for the betterment of my tomorrow and the enrichment of knowledge needed to pave my way for a better life in the future. I'm just trying to make an honest living... please give me the strength, Oh Mighty Lord.

It was no where to be found today... as I awoke from my sleep, right up till this very moment, there was this deep melancholy feeling everywhere I went...as if I was still in an unknown alley. Still, I kept on going through this difficult and pressurised times unknown to many. It is sometimes too strenous to say the least, both physically and mentally... and there is never a time in each and everyday of my life that I feel more stable, it was like sitting on the brink of a plank up on the 100th floor and you dont even know you're there. Sometimes when this eerie feeling comes to me... I freak out and start smashing some bashy chords on my guitar!... or sometimes, I'll just sleep my way outtaf it. Today, I did just that... and tomorrow will be a brand new day to see if I will be playing this mentally torturous game again. I hope someone understands... but of course, I survive fighting for another day of my life as long as I keep myself composed with every bit of love in my life.

A timeless piece of apolyptical confidence swept through the air today as I started my day quite sluggishly. Had to drag myself up from bed to work on a Sunday morning... with the weather ever so torturing in a way that it was supposed to be the best sleeping time! How 'bout that? and ever since then, I've been very much awake till now...Monday morning. It has been quite slow today but the sense of prevailing from a frozen lake provoked what I thought I wouldn't have done or imagined! It was nonetheless a progressive day especially when most Sundays in the past were much of a drag to me. Anyway, it was another day or reckoning and learning as I retire the day with mixed and unknown feelings....

The recent turn of events have petrified me no more than just a norm in my life... with a subdued development over an account of things. Everyday life has turned into a living nightmare that I swore would never happen to me. But no sooner that I found out I wasn't all alone. Many people were in fact faced with distress on different grounds and motives. Equally, there are extravagant lifes out there who were born with the silver spoon and knows shit about life. Mortality brings about the cat and mouse situation where the same species are trying to outdo each other or deny responsibility. In the utmost and unprecedented freaked out world that we live in today, life is full of flying daggers as one quoted. It will be a never ending storyline that will return and infiltrate our minds. One will be backstabbing the other to gain recognition and dignity but what the hell for?

Saints, Chameleons, are all part of our everyday life now whether we like it or not and we hafta be really vigilant to protect our own causes. Friends are just like the English weather... they come and go as they please, fickle to be exact and it's only in ourselves that we can trust. Talking about weather... I was nearly frozen out today when gales and hale swept by me and it was a horrifying experience specially tailored by the English weather. Total crap! And imagine the sun coming out 15 minutes later! Shit bricks! Anyway, as I have always said, shit happens and we just need to be cautious, not arrogantly but in a tough and profound manner...

Today was just like a mnemonic sequence of a pre programmed task being held in a queue and the traffic has just switch turns. It was nonetheless a better day than yesterday given the asserted confidence which extinguish the anguish in me. I felt as though the data bits sweeping through my nodes were conjured up by an enormous strength pushing me on even though I was physically drained out. As the day eased through, I began to look at life on another aspect, bringing me to the understanding that there will never be a cease fire at any front line battle nor will there be any breather in today's demanding schedule. If you are lagging, you're down and out and we just hafta learn how to keep up with it and survive. The balance hangs on how we perceive life to be and create a little place for ourselves to reminisce on the little good things we could do to beautify our mundane and pressurised life. Life is bitchy and stressful enough and we dont need another headache up our ass if you know what I mean... just hafta chill at times before we completely run out of steam! .... play it well and stick to our domain! It'll never go wrong...

It's just human nature that we will never be satisfied with what we do or achieve unless we have reached a state of nirvana. Today, I was left grasping for air as a sudden memoir of unfinished tasks freaked me out totally... time was running out and the only thing that flickered through my brain nodes were...' Will I come undone?' I panicked all of a sudden and I tried running down myself by dismantling my energy reserves. It helped stop the cold sweat for a sec there but shit happens... we don't fight fire with fire...i was totally knackered at the end of the day and nothing was resolved. Stephie did well by pulling me out of my misery in the end and I soon discovered that it has been weeks now since I last did anything for myself! I have ran myself into a pitiful state, unrecognized by the ransacked look of strong will, and the worse part was I don't even remember how I looked like! I soon drifted into a silent and painful reality... self pity was my worst enemy but miraculously, I felt like a reborn child raring to climb my way up again after a freaky wake up call. It was all due to one little thing that she gave me... the soft spoken, gentle yet forceful renewed confidence that will be echoed through my senses for a long time. And these are life's little things that will keep me mesmerised with the rough and tough yet beautiful reality.

Another day passes by, another wave of new emotion streaks through and before we know it, our time is up. Inevitably, this prevailing and fading process is just part and parcel of us freaks trying to grasp what the hell is going on with our life. Today, a friend of mine left back for home and a sense of undisputed uncertainty loomed over me. Should I be carried away with this emotion...? As I was driving back from the motorway, I kept asking myself... would luck run out on me? Will I be one of the lucky ones to settle my score here? The answer hangs out there for me to find out. In the mean time, it is still the little things that I should do right now to live today and not regret tomorrow cause tomorrow only come once. It's still the little things that brings out the upheavel of true mankind rather than the petrifying, materialised world that we know of today. Nonetheless, the arrival of another day is a fresh breath of air and hope, and only in hope that we cling on to that will keep us sane everyday.

Life's little things are made up of natural causes dividing between the posh and not so posh, tampered and natural, heaven and earth, illuminizing the facts that has been forgotten in our everyday life... why is the world is so pulverized by the materialistic and undignified ideology when it is in fact the little things which will lead us to happiness and a more dignified life. why are people so taken aback by charisma that one could forsake everything justa be part of the foreseen community... why can't these two perceptions mix? egoistic maniacs roam the streets trying to be part of someone else when they are not... why can't people lead a much simpler life and learn how to appreciate Life's Little Things whilst stacking stocks in Wall Street?